Be a good listener. Women need to vent. It's the way they're wired. They've been home with the kids all day or working at the office all day and sometimes they just need their husbands to listen. Men are wired to be problem solvers and the moment women begin to vent they want to spring to action and fix the problem(s). Sometimes women need to discuss their feelings. Let's face it guys... we're not exactly eager to open up and share our feelings. If women are open books, then men are hermetically sealed strong boxes. Those two things mix like oil and water. Sometimes guys have to suck it up and just listen. Don't interrupt. Don't question. Don't invalidate her feelings or ask, "Oh geez... what is it THIS time?". Just flippin' listen! Get off the phone. Get off the internet. Turn off the TV. Put down the sports page and just listen. Easy to say, but tough to do. Work at it fellas. She will appreciate it.
Don't be crude or rude. She's a lady and deserves to be treated like one. Reserve your potty humor for the guys' night out. You may know your woman is tough as nails, but underneath she is a delicate flower. Treat her with a gentle respect. She doesn't want to hear you burp or pass gas. Everybody does it. Just try to suppress it or leave her presence if you can. Your buddies may think it's funny when you let one rip, but I assure you a lady is not even remotely amused.
Don't talk bad about her... to anyone! You are her knight in shining armor. You are her protector and sometimes you may be the only one on her side. Don't make her feel like you're against her too. If you have a complaint or issue with her... take it to her and talk it out. If you are with your buddies and you say, "Dudes, my wife is such a nag! I wish she'd just get off my back!"... you better have a heart to heart with her. Complaining to your buddies will get you nowhere. And never, ever tolerate somebody else badmouthing your wife. Never nod in agreement or affirm their words. Stand up for her. She's YOUR lady. Let people know if they have something bad to say about her, they have to go through you first.
Never forget her birthday or your anniversary. She may tell you it's just another day, but I assure you it is not. Honestly, Tami has never been big into celebrating her birthday or our anniversary. But by no means does that mean I should let those days go by unmentioned. No siree! I always remember and I always wish her a happy birthday or happy anniversary. Fortunately for me these two events are less than two weeks apart. I almost get a two for one deal. Pretty easy to remember.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Sunday, February 28, 2016
How to be a gentleman- Part 3
And the list continues…
Don’t lie to her. Ever! If she asks for your opinion on a new dish she cooked, be honest. If you tell her everything she makes is the best thing you’ve ever tasted, your opinion is worthless. She wants an honest opinion so she can improve something if it’s not to your liking. Lying in any situation will cause nothing but trouble. It may delay the inevitable problems you tried to cover up, but trust me fellas, she WILL find out the truth. I don’t know how women do it, but they always KNOW. Avoid the complications and tell the truth. Of course there are exceptions to these rules. For example, one time when putting away laundry, I accidentally put a pair of Abby’s underwear in Tami’s drawer. Some time later Tami held them up and asked me if it looked like her mom sized rear end would fit in Abby’s teen sized underwear. My answer? YES! Yes, it does. Sometimes telling the truth could get a guy killed!
Use your manners. ALWAYS! Even after nearly 25 years of marriage I still say please and thank you. I say, “Excuse me” if I burp. Just because you have been married for a long time doesn’t mean you can be a rude, inconsiderate lout. Be polite to everyone, but especially to women. Your behavior in the high school locker room is not the same behavior expected around a lady. Use. Your. Manners!
Say, “I love you”. It’s not enough that she already knows you love her. Tell her! Every day! Say it! Often! I always say I love you when hanging up from a phone call with her. I always say I love you when leaving to go anywhere. And I just say it at random times when she’s not expecting it. You can’t overdo it on this one. Remind her of all the reasons you fell in love with her and the reasons you love her even more today.
Don’t lie to her. Ever! If she asks for your opinion on a new dish she cooked, be honest. If you tell her everything she makes is the best thing you’ve ever tasted, your opinion is worthless. She wants an honest opinion so she can improve something if it’s not to your liking. Lying in any situation will cause nothing but trouble. It may delay the inevitable problems you tried to cover up, but trust me fellas, she WILL find out the truth. I don’t know how women do it, but they always KNOW. Avoid the complications and tell the truth. Of course there are exceptions to these rules. For example, one time when putting away laundry, I accidentally put a pair of Abby’s underwear in Tami’s drawer. Some time later Tami held them up and asked me if it looked like her mom sized rear end would fit in Abby’s teen sized underwear. My answer? YES! Yes, it does. Sometimes telling the truth could get a guy killed!
Use your manners. ALWAYS! Even after nearly 25 years of marriage I still say please and thank you. I say, “Excuse me” if I burp. Just because you have been married for a long time doesn’t mean you can be a rude, inconsiderate lout. Be polite to everyone, but especially to women. Your behavior in the high school locker room is not the same behavior expected around a lady. Use. Your. Manners!
Say, “I love you”. It’s not enough that she already knows you love her. Tell her! Every day! Say it! Often! I always say I love you when hanging up from a phone call with her. I always say I love you when leaving to go anywhere. And I just say it at random times when she’s not expecting it. You can’t overdo it on this one. Remind her of all the reasons you fell in love with her and the reasons you love her even more today.
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Call 911
Calling 911 is no joke. Okay, sometimes it is. Emergencies are no laughing matter, but sometimes people just can't help themselves. Human beings will never cease to amaze me.
Friday, February 26, 2016
How to be a gentleman- Part 2
The series of posts continues...
Say nice things to her. Don't be a flatterer. That's disingenuous. Compliment her looks. Compliment her cooking. Thank her for all the thankless jobs a mother and housewife does. Just use kind words. It may seem like a small deal to you, but it's a big deal to her.
Comfort her when she cries. Admit it guys. You'd rather she take a frying pan upside your head than to see her cry (especially if YOU are the source of those tears). Your woman is going to cry. Comfort her. Give her a shoulder to cry on and offer supportive words to ease the pain. Don't downplay the reason she is crying. Just because you don't think something is worth shedding tears over, that doesn't mean she feels the same way. She's different than you. Be understanding.
Never compare her to another woman. "You should wear your hair like so and so". "You should cook like Jane Doe". "I wish you'd dress nice like blankety blank". Be satisfied with who she is and with what you have. Lest she compare you to other men (and there's no way we guys want THAT). She knows you're a flawed man, but you're HER flawed man.
Don't make promises you can't keep. If you tell her you will be home from work at 5:00, by golly be home by 5:00 (barring traffic jams etc...). If you said you'd fix the exhaust fan in the bathroom... fix it. Don't let her sit around for weeks or months wondering if you forgot about it or just don't care if it ever gets fixed. Be true to your word. She needs to be able to count on what you say. She should never have to guess if you REALLY mean what you say.
Be chivalrous. Open the door for her even if she doesn't expect it from you. Protect her from everyone and everything. She needs to know you've got her back. If you hear a bump in the night, get up and investigate. Even if you are 99% sure there's nothing to worry about, get out of bed and check it out. This lets her know you put her safety (and the children's safety) first. She will rest better knowing all is well and there's nothing lurking in the dark.
That's enough for today. That gives you plenty to chew on and digest. More later.
Say nice things to her. Don't be a flatterer. That's disingenuous. Compliment her looks. Compliment her cooking. Thank her for all the thankless jobs a mother and housewife does. Just use kind words. It may seem like a small deal to you, but it's a big deal to her.
Comfort her when she cries. Admit it guys. You'd rather she take a frying pan upside your head than to see her cry (especially if YOU are the source of those tears). Your woman is going to cry. Comfort her. Give her a shoulder to cry on and offer supportive words to ease the pain. Don't downplay the reason she is crying. Just because you don't think something is worth shedding tears over, that doesn't mean she feels the same way. She's different than you. Be understanding.
Never compare her to another woman. "You should wear your hair like so and so". "You should cook like Jane Doe". "I wish you'd dress nice like blankety blank". Be satisfied with who she is and with what you have. Lest she compare you to other men (and there's no way we guys want THAT). She knows you're a flawed man, but you're HER flawed man.
Don't make promises you can't keep. If you tell her you will be home from work at 5:00, by golly be home by 5:00 (barring traffic jams etc...). If you said you'd fix the exhaust fan in the bathroom... fix it. Don't let her sit around for weeks or months wondering if you forgot about it or just don't care if it ever gets fixed. Be true to your word. She needs to be able to count on what you say. She should never have to guess if you REALLY mean what you say.
Be chivalrous. Open the door for her even if she doesn't expect it from you. Protect her from everyone and everything. She needs to know you've got her back. If you hear a bump in the night, get up and investigate. Even if you are 99% sure there's nothing to worry about, get out of bed and check it out. This lets her know you put her safety (and the children's safety) first. She will rest better knowing all is well and there's nothing lurking in the dark.
That's enough for today. That gives you plenty to chew on and digest. More later.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
How to be a gentleman- Part 1
As promised, I am going to start my series of posts on "How to be a gentleman". As I stated before, some of these are my own ideas and others I have shamelessly lifted from internet sources (please don't call the plagiarism police). The topics covered will vary. Some will be faith based. Some will be honor/chivalry based. Some will focus on love and romance. Others may be viewed more as marital tips rather than advice on how to be a gentleman. I hope you find these helpful as well as entertaining. Each post will only contain a handful of tips in order to avoid monotony.
***DISCLAIMER***
Many of these tips can be filed under "Do as I say, not as I do". Some of these things I do very well, while others need tremendous improvement on my part.
How to be a gentleman- Part 1
Be the spiritual leader of the home. There is no higher calling for a husband or father, than to make Christ the center of your home. You are the king of the castle... act like it.
Pray at mealtime. Don't just do this at home, but at restaurants as well. It may feel strange at first, but you'll get used to it. The Lord has provided food for you and your family. Be thankful and acknowledge God's provision.
Take your family to Church. As the spiritual leader, it is your responsibility to see that this happens. Full disclosure- Sometimes I feel like sleeping in on Sundays, but I never regret going to church. Make it a habit.
Stay faithful. There is nothing worse than a cheating husband. Only have eyes for your wife. Do not flirt with other women. Even if you think it is only innocent, good, clean fun. There is no such thing. Flirt with your wife even after you're married. She may not say so, but she still likes it when you flirt with her.
Admit when you're wrong. Don't be afraid to say, "I'm sorry". This is a biggie fellas. You can sometimes be an insensitive lout. Apologize and admit wrongdoing. It goes a long way!
Many more tips later. Trust me. They won't all be this heavy. I needed to cover some of the really serious stuff first. Priorities, you know.
***DISCLAIMER***
Many of these tips can be filed under "Do as I say, not as I do". Some of these things I do very well, while others need tremendous improvement on my part.
How to be a gentleman- Part 1
Be the spiritual leader of the home. There is no higher calling for a husband or father, than to make Christ the center of your home. You are the king of the castle... act like it.
Pray at mealtime. Don't just do this at home, but at restaurants as well. It may feel strange at first, but you'll get used to it. The Lord has provided food for you and your family. Be thankful and acknowledge God's provision.
Take your family to Church. As the spiritual leader, it is your responsibility to see that this happens. Full disclosure- Sometimes I feel like sleeping in on Sundays, but I never regret going to church. Make it a habit.
Stay faithful. There is nothing worse than a cheating husband. Only have eyes for your wife. Do not flirt with other women. Even if you think it is only innocent, good, clean fun. There is no such thing. Flirt with your wife even after you're married. She may not say so, but she still likes it when you flirt with her.
Admit when you're wrong. Don't be afraid to say, "I'm sorry". This is a biggie fellas. You can sometimes be an insensitive lout. Apologize and admit wrongdoing. It goes a long way!
Many more tips later. Trust me. They won't all be this heavy. I needed to cover some of the really serious stuff first. Priorities, you know.
Chivalry is NOT dead
I’m not sure who said it, but I have always been fond of the quote, “The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother”. That may not be the exact quote, but you get the gist of the message. I have made a lot of mistakes as a father and I have no shortage of regrets. However, I know I’ve done some things right too. For one, I love the mother of my children with every ounce of my soul. I try very hard every day to show my children that I love their mother. I have also worked to instill in my children (especially Michael) a complete respect for women. I believe I have been successful in this endeavor. Maybe not perfectly, but Michael has seen how I treat the women in my life (my wife, my daughters, my mother, my sister etc…). I believe that has rubbed off on him and I can only pray he applies it in his own life.
Many believe chivalry is dead. I’m here to tell you it’s not. If you haven’t seen chivalrous behavior lately, maybe you’re hanging out in the wrong places or are watching the wrong TV shows. Chivalry is NOT dead. It is alive and well. Show up at my church on any given Sunday and you will find a whole building full of chivalrous, honorable men. These are God-fearing, family men who are true gentlemen.
Hmmm… “Gentleman”. There’s a word that seems to be getting lost in our culture. Gentleman. Break the word down and you get gentle man. A gentleman does not deal with women harshly. A gentleman loves, honors and respects women. A gentleman appreciates the qualities of the weaker, fairer sex.
To that end, I am going to start a series of posts on this blog. The series will be in many parts, but will not necessarily happen every day. The series will focus on what a real man does. It will focus on what it means to be a gentleman and what chivalry really looks like. Not all of these ideas will be my own. Some will be my thoughts, others will be thoughts of successful men who have gone before me. Watch for this in coming days and feel free to share it with any of the men in your life (young and old). No man is ever finished being a gentleman. A real man is always striving to be better. A real man is always working to be a better husband, a better father, and a better person all the way around. The fact is we are all sinners and we will never fully succeed, but that doesn’t mean we should stop trying.
Many believe chivalry is dead. I’m here to tell you it’s not. If you haven’t seen chivalrous behavior lately, maybe you’re hanging out in the wrong places or are watching the wrong TV shows. Chivalry is NOT dead. It is alive and well. Show up at my church on any given Sunday and you will find a whole building full of chivalrous, honorable men. These are God-fearing, family men who are true gentlemen.
Hmmm… “Gentleman”. There’s a word that seems to be getting lost in our culture. Gentleman. Break the word down and you get gentle man. A gentleman does not deal with women harshly. A gentleman loves, honors and respects women. A gentleman appreciates the qualities of the weaker, fairer sex.
To that end, I am going to start a series of posts on this blog. The series will be in many parts, but will not necessarily happen every day. The series will focus on what a real man does. It will focus on what it means to be a gentleman and what chivalry really looks like. Not all of these ideas will be my own. Some will be my thoughts, others will be thoughts of successful men who have gone before me. Watch for this in coming days and feel free to share it with any of the men in your life (young and old). No man is ever finished being a gentleman. A real man is always striving to be better. A real man is always working to be a better husband, a better father, and a better person all the way around. The fact is we are all sinners and we will never fully succeed, but that doesn’t mean we should stop trying.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
My Life Changed Forever
February 24, 1989. It was on this date 27 years ago that my life changed forever. I didn't know it at the time, but that night would shape the course of the rest of my life. February 24th, 1989 was the date of my first date with Tami. 27 years and almost 25 years of marriage later, I remember that night as if it happened last week. I remember the nervous feelings of going out with this wonderful, beautiful woman for the first time. I remember the euphoria I felt after the date had gone well. I remember the excitement of a possible second date. I don't think I knew after our first date that I was going to marry and grow old with this woman, but I do remember how good I felt when I was with her and how much I hated it when I was away from her. It wasn't necessarily love at first sight, but looking back, I can easily see how I fell in love with her. It's hard to believe it's been 27 years since that night. But what a 27 years it has been!
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
The Common Core
Because I'm a teacher, people ask me all the time about The Common Core. What is it? What's it all about? Why is it so controversial? Am I for it or against it? Well, for starters, The Common Core is a national education initiative to standardize what students in all 50 states are taught. On the surface, that sounds like a good idea. The problem is WHAT is being taught and HOW it is being taught. In some cases the material is propaganda. In other cases the method of teaching is just plain silly. Look at the math problem below. This is an example of The Common Core. If you are shaking your head... I don't blame you. When we went to school, 8+5=13. Sally has 8 apples and Joe has 5 apples. How many apples do they have all together? 13. 8+5=13. Where in the world and why in the world do we want these kids to say 8+5=10. It doesn't. It never will. Any student who enters the work force and tells his boss that he took in $8 and then $5 for a total of $10, that person won't be working for very long. He or she would be fired. We need to get back to basics and The Common Core is NOT the way to do it. Many kids today cannot do math to save their lives. Let's face it. Math is hard enough when 8+5=13. When 8+5=10... forget about it!
Monday, February 22, 2016
Cincinnati Weather
It's been said if you don't like the weather in Cincinnati, stick around for a few hours... It'll change.
After temps near 70 degrees on Saturday, we're looking at a chance of snow on Thursday. Cincinnati weather is CRAZY!
After temps near 70 degrees on Saturday, we're looking at a chance of snow on Thursday. Cincinnati weather is CRAZY!
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Big Day!
Yesterday we celebrated Sveta's 8th birthday! Among her many, many presents was this Cleopatra dress-up costume. Elliott enjoyed the warm weather by driving around on his John Deere tractor and grandma just soaked in every aspect of the day which included a lot of baby-holding time.
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