* Call ahead to ensure the venue or location has steps in place to prevent the spread of the virus (ask about air ventilation, sanitizer, mask policy, capacity, etc.)--- Do you really think the teenage hostess making minimum wage is going to have a clue about the ventilation system? Yeah, neither do I!
*Wear a mask at all times--- This one is to be expected. Pull down mask, eat a buffalo chicken wing, pull up mask, pull down mask, take a drink of your beverage, pull mask back up, repeat over and over. Sounds like a good time, huh?
*Use touchless payment methods if available--- This one is easy. Stay home. It's cheaper and the food is better.
*Give people space; follow social distancing recommendations inside and out--- Is this one practical? Not even a little bit! Super Bowl parties are notoriously crowded.
*Consider arriving early to avoid crowding and congested areas--- Ok, follow me here. You can arrive early to avoid the crowd. So what do you do when the rest of the crowd shows up a little later on? Do you leave by kickoff? Retreat to a corner where you can't see the TV? This one is just plain silly!
*Avoid using the restroom or concessions areas at “high traffic times,” like half-time or other breaks in the game--- This one is ridiculous too! Who in their right mind goes away from the TV while the game is going on?
*Avoid chanting or cheering; stomp, clap, or bring hand-held noisemakers instead--- This one is the most ridiculous of all! Avoid cheering? Picture this with me. My favorite team scores a touchdown and I stomp my feet like I am killing a million ants while not making a sound. The people around me will think I've lost my ever-lovin' mind! Or picture this... My favorite team scores a touchdown and I whip out my noisemaker like it just struck midnight on New Years Eve. Again, people would look at me like I was crazy as a loon. No cheering? C'mon! You can't be serious!
These are all moot points however. I will not be watching the game. I won't be watching with a crowd, and I won't be watching alone in my own home. I have MUCH better things to do with my time.
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