In the last two years I have taken on more and more responsibilities at church. I have become a deacon and have taken on three different teaching responsibilities. I teach a Sunday School class on Sunday mornings (5th and 6th graders), I teach a small group lesson monthly (the Pastor is in the small group... no pressure!) and I teach a Bible Study in our home every Wednesday night. As a deacon, I am part of the team that collects the offering and distributes the communion elements. All of these things have taken me waaaaaaaaaay out of my comfort zone. All of these things also require me to pray aloud in public. This is a tremendous challenge for me, but I know I must do it to grow as a Christian. Some people pray aloud and they are so eloquent. The beautiful prayers just roll off their tongues. I'm not that way. Although I have greatly improved in this area, my prayers are still filled with "uhs" and "ums". My prayers are fine, but they seem so choppy and dare I say, simple. I'm not putting myself down or selling myself short, but I do recognize this as an area of weakness. I guess the only way to improve praying aloud is to continue practicing. I must have a lot more practicing to do because I really messed up a prayer last night.
Our church had a Good Friday communion service. It was actually a combined service with people from two or three other churches joining us. I was asked to serve communion with three other men and of course, I was asked to pray before the unleavened bread was distributed. My prayer started out really well, but mid-prayer I was hit with a potential coughing fit (I'm sure you know that feeling you get in your throat that brings on a major coughing episode). I stopped suddenly, mustered everything I could to not cough up a lung and amazingly didn't cough at all. Crisis averted, right? Wrong! So, so wrong! By the time I had regained my composure, I totally lost my train of thought. My mind went completely blank. Can you imagine the horror and panic I felt? I was in the middle of praying for one of the most sacred ceremonies in the church on the night we observe the crucifixion of Christ and at the conclusion of the prayer I had no idea what to say. Suffice it to say the prayer did not end well and I sounded like a bumbling idiot.
I'm still bothered by my super-sized miscue today, but I doubt many people who were in attendance last night are sitting around discussing my prayer that went horribly awry. In fact, I'm sure I'm the ONLY one who is even giving this a second thought today. In my mind I know this is true, but my prideful self still worries that somebody out there is shaking his/her head at the thought of my prayer last night. That's on me. I need to let it go and not worry about what someone else may think of me. In the end it doesn't matter. My heart was in the right place, but my brain chose to take a temporary leave of absence.
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