Red Skelton

Red Skelton was one of the funniest, most creative comedians of all time. Below are some of his quips on the topic of marriage. His views were genius. Of course, put a man and woman in a house together for many years and the jokes practically write themselves.                                                    

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"

14. "All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner".

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it... this is the good old days! When humor didn't have to start with a four-letter word... Just clean, and simple fun.

I don't know if Red Skelton wrote this one or not. He had a lot of imitators throughout the years. It certainly is reminiscent of his style though.