Michael is taking a class in botany and zoology. To say he doesn't care for it would be an understatement. Michael's M.O. is if he doesn't like the class, the teacher or if he sees no value in the information being presented, he puts minimal effort into it. We've always told him that sometimes in life you have to jump through hoops to get where you are going. He's not buying it.
The teacher recently assigned a leaf collection project. He needs to collect, name and scientifically classify 25 different leaves. Michael views this project as pointless. In his words, I can't tell a maple from an oak, and why is that important to know in life? *Sigh*. Oh youth.... If you're an adult and reading this, you already know the answer to that question. If you're not an adult, one day you'll understand.
Michael has asked for my assistance on the project. He knows I love trees and plants and figured he would tap into my passion for all things flora (I really like fauna too). Well, he collected 4 or 5 specimens on his own and asked if I'd help ID them. I said I would but didn't get to it right away. Michael hasn't collected anything more and says he's waiting for me to ID those 4-5 specimens before going any further. Flimsy excuse. He views this as me dragging my feet and thinks it's okay to wait until I get moving on things. I think he could collect more and I could help ID all of them at the same time. Michael openly admitted that he didn't like the project and was waiting until the last possible minute to do it. That's his choice (he is a senior after all). But when he enlists my help, his procrastination affects my life and that's not okay with me.
Sunday morning after church, I suggested taking a walk and collecting some leaves for the project. It was a GORGEOUS day and would have been a nice way to spend the afternoon. Michael said no. He didn't want to work on the project. Then Sunday evening after church, Michael and Abby were hanging out and chatting with friends. At my suggestion, Tami and I took a stroll around the wooded church grounds and picked up a few leaves for the collection. I figured if I was waiting on the kids, why not do something productive? We gathered 4 or 5 more types of leaves. Here's my problem. Some of the other adults jokingly chided us for doing Michael's homework for him. They said, "Gee! If teachers do their own kids' homework, what chance do we regular parents have?"They were just giving us some good natured teasing of course. They weren't trying to be critical. But it did cause me to think. I'd already had reservations about picking up any leaves at all, but did so anyway. After the fact I'm feeling some heavy duty guilt. Some as a teacher, but more as a parent. Am I only reinforcing to Michael that it's okay to procrastinate and if you do, I'll bail you out? It didn't seem that way at first, but now I'm not so sure. Am I a terrible parent? Am I sending the wrong message to my kids? I want to do what's right. I want Michael to be his own man and not depend on his parents for every little thing. How much damage did I do? Should I discard the leaves I collected? Should I voice my concerns to Michael about what I did? I also picked up a few leaf identification guides at school. Did I further screw up? Should I leave well enough alone? He can probably get better information about leaf identification on the internet anyway. I'm in a pickle here... when do I cross the line from helping to enabling? Did I cross that line miles back? Am I well intentioned, but maybe to a fault? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. I just want to do the right thing where my kids are concerned. They are watching and learning from me every second. The easy way out would be to not say anything. But being a good parent is not about making the easy decision. It's about making the right one.
P.S. --- To be fair. Michael has been working his tail off lately. McDonalds gets ahold of a good worker and they abuse his willingness to be helpful. He has been asked to work extra hours lately and he always agrees. He is generally a good student and a top notch kid. I would match him up with anybody... and I do mean anybody. I don't know of anyone, including adults who don't like him. He's the best (he just doesn't like his botany project :-)
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