Time. Money and Energy

Time, money and energy. All three are things that we love to have, but we're not likely to ever have all three at the same time. We never seem to hit the trifecta.

Think about it. When we're young we have plenty of time, lots of energy, but no money because we have no job. When we're adults we have some money, still a lot of energy but no time because we're always working. When we're old we have time, more money than we've ever had but no energy because we're just too old and tired to do anything.

This is exactly why I look so forward to retiring. I would love to have the opportunity to do a little living while I have the time, money and energy to do so. I think this is why the death of my friend Nancy is hitting me so hard. Yes, I lost my best friend at school and I will miss her a great deal. It's more than that though. It's knowing she was within 48 school days of retiring and starting her new life. A life without 6th grade students treating her poorly every day. A life where she could wake up and do whatever she wanted to do without being tethered to her job. She was only 53 after all.

This also brings to mind my own dad. He died of Leukemia at the very young age of 47. At this point I only need to live until April to outlive him. That thought blows me away. My dad was also very close to retirement when he died. I'm not sure how close, but I know he was starting to plan for it. This makes me sad because my dad loved kids and never got to experience the joys of being a grandpa. Knowing how much fun I've had with Sveta the last 16 months and knowing how totally excited we are for the birth of our next grandchild in a few weeks, causes me to mourn for what my dad never got to experience... the sound of a grandchild calling your name and the feeling of pure elation when that child jumps into your arms and wraps her arms tightly around your neck. I wish my dad had lived long enough to feel that special feeling.

Thinking about all this causes me to want to live life to the fullest and make the most of every day. This is why I have no regrets about splurging a little on a two day trip to San Diego. We really spent more than we should have, but it's only money and as referenced above, we don't know how much time God will give us on this earth. We had an opportunity and we took it.

If you're thinking I sound like I'm in the early stages of a mid-life crisis, I think you'd be mistaken. I think I'm just sad at the loss of loved ones. Sad knowing all the things they'll never experience. I'm not sure what label to put on my feelings today... Reflective? Melancholy? Pensive? I don't know much, but I do know one thing. I'm grateful to be alive and thankful for God's daily mercy and grace He heaps upon me. I am a blessed man and right now I'm going to end this post and get back to counting all those blessings. It's going to take a while.