What could have been

June 30th. Today would have been my dad's 70th birthday. It's strange to think about that because he died at the young age of 47. In my mind, my dad is not an old man. In my mind he's still in his mid 40's. It seems odd to think of him as a guy in his 70's. I often wonder... What would he be like? How would he look? What would he be doing? Actually I already know the answers to those questions. He'd be short with gray hair and a beer belly. He'd have a gruff exterior and a teddy bear interior. He'd be running a charter boat on Lake Erie while enjoying his retirement. He'd be delighting in his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. These things I know, but sadly they were not in God's plan.

As I contemplate what dad would have been like at 70, I am saddened to think about the things I wish my dad could have seen:

I wish dad could see my successful career as a teacher. When he was dying I was working as a teachers aid (while looking for a job as a full time teacher) after twice turning down a job as a police officer. Dad thought I was foolish to turn down a good job with benefits when a teaching job was uncertain. Two months after his death I got my teaching job and will begin my 24th year in August. I wish he could know I made the the right decision.

I wish he could see me in my great marriage. He got to meet Tami and Jessi before he died and he loved them. However, he died 11 months before our wedding. I wish he could see me as a husband and once again know I made the best decision of my life in marrying Tami.

I wish he could see my kids. He was already nuts about Jessi and I know he would have been crazy in love with Michael and Abby as well. I wish he could see me as a dad. I know I would love to have seen him as a grandpa.

I wish he could see me in my house. It isn't large or fancy, but it's a nice home. I wish he could come over and affirm my choice of residence. I wish we could sit on my deck and drink a beer together. I wish I could talk to him as a man experiencing things he'd already lived through.

I wish dad could see me as a stable, well adjusted, hard working American man. Somebody that will proudly carry on the Meyer family name.

But alas, none of this was meant to be. I don't pretend to know the mind of God or what His will is. I don't know why He took my dad at such an early age. It's not my place to ask why, but only to accept that God has a grand plan and that plan did not include dad living to a ripe old age. In my humanness, I will always wonder why, but deep down will know that whatever the reason, it was for the best.

I miss you, Dad. Today I'm going to drink a beer in memory of you and your 70th birthday. Here's to you!